Have I mentioned that I love warm outfits? The idea of battling snow to go play drives me nuts, but I do love the idea of warm pretty clothes if I do have to venture out. Here’s what I love for this cold snowy weather!

The tiniest snowflakes are falling on 4-6″ of new snow that fell overnight. I am taking a sick day, which annoys me for a couple of reasons:
1. I have so much work to do, which means more work to do tomorrow and Friday
2. There are tiny snow flakes that I should be playing in!  Tiny snowflakes, people. Did I ever mention to you that I have a sled?

The snow will have to wait for the redness and swollen wonkiness that is happening in my throat.

2012 is now 18 days in. So far, its been pretty good.

I have been working on my 2012 list, and my life list-the things that I want to accomplish. I feel like there’s always a life inside of me that isn’t being fully lived. Being sick reminds me of that, and how much I can’t stand sitting still. I’ll be posting a new blog shortly, with some pretty pics of a type out goal list, so stay tuned for that.

In the mean time, I feel a nap coming on, as I sit next to a warm fire surrounded by tiny furry bodies.

Oh, 2011. I have so much to say about you, but I have no idea where to start.
You brought innumerable moments of exquisite bliss, soul crushing hardships, sun-filled happiness. Each day, week and month brought something new.

I rang in 2011 in an Irish Pub and hotel room in San Francisco with a man who I believed was the one I would be with for the rest of my life. I was engaged and had found out a few days earlier that we weren’t pregnant. We remarked that it was sad, but good timing as we had wanted to go to Napa as part of our bucket list.

3 months later, I lost a friend suddenly, which made me question every decision I had been making. I started to question why my relationship was so complicated, whether I wanted to continue in my current line of work. It made me think about so much. Life was suddenly surprisingly short, and I didn’t want to wait any more for things to happen. I put ultimatums on friendships and my relationship, I needed people in my life who could commit to being there, who had the same goals as I did.

Lying in bed Easter weekend, the person I had been best friends with for close to 17 years and I decided to call it quits. Just like that, we were done. It was simple-we just didn’t want the same things in life. He hadn’t wanted to tell me he didn’t want kids as he wanted me, and didn’t want to lose me. We cried with each other, not moving, not wanting to admit it was really over. We got up and bought a ham, and cooked one of the best last dinners we would have together.  Some months later, he had a change of heart. I tried to keep him around as long as I could, but I couldn’t get past the hurt. 2011 closed with us deciding it would be better to just go our separate ways completely.

2011 brought the realization that my father’s PTSD will never be under control, and making the hard decision to cut him out of my life.  It’s painful watching the ones you love hurt themselves and others, and knowing that there isn’t anything that you can do about it.  I hope that some day he can be a part of my life again, but I’m not holding my breath.

 But 2011 wasn’t all bad, oh no!

I had lovely adventures-travelling through Washington, Oregon and Northern California and to Eastern Washington and Leavenworth. And I did get to drink plenty of Napa Valley Cabs.

I was promoted and received a nice raise, a lot earlier than expected. Work was busy, and we launched the Veterans Administration as a major pilot program.

I did crafts, and did some photography, although I didn’t do any shows. I committed to making this a goal for 2012 though. I bought vintage and antique cameras, and tried my hand at painting.

I met an amazing man, at a time when my heart didn’t want to be open to anyone. He offered me bacon before I even knew his name. He convinced me that I should give him my number, I convinced a stranger that this guy should cater his daughters wedding. I had known him for 2 hours. We went on a first date, ok…let me back up. We scheduled a first date, and I freaked out, so I pushed it out a few days. After all, I had been in a relationship for years. I wasn’t ready. He was young. I was a mess. What if I got hurt again? After a quick pep talk from a friend, I jumped. We had our first date. I walked up, he was pacing and he looked nervous. It was cute. I was freaking out. Maybe it wasn’t too late to run back to my car…and then he saw me and smiled. It was like seeing someone I had known all my life, and suddenly it was all ok. We sat outside at a local brewery, the sun was shining, and the beer was good. We talked about food, and our lives and what we both did. The conversation flowed naturally, there weren’t awkward pauses. He insisted on paying the tab.   I drove him to his house, a cute mint green craftsman. I liked him already. I blared Adele all the way home smiling. I sent my friend a text thanking him for making me say yes to the date. Our next date brought me to his house for a home cooked meal.  He had worked hard to clean the house, threw his roommates out and even borrowed a tablecloth. He gathered flowers from his yard and the neighborhood. We had bacon wrapped dates with blue cheese, and bacon wrapped stuffed chicken. I brought wine. Again, the conversation flowed.

Weeks turned into months, and each day I find myself smiling about how bacon fixed a broken heart. I catch him looking at me, and I smile. I know I am loved and cared for, because of who I am and I am lucky to have found that. Not everyone finds so much love.

Despite the lows, this year was good. After all, how can you appreciate the great things, if you don’t experience any hardships? I learned what I am willing to let go of, and what means enough for me to fight for. I learned that I am strong, capable and empowered. I can live on my own, I can do things, and I should never have to hope for the life I want. I have it.

Here’s to an amazing 2012, my best to all of you. 🙂

Raina

“Sadness flies on the wings of the morning and out of the heart of darkness comes the light.”  – Jean Giraudoux

A while ago I posted on Facebook about “Why I am not Bob Villa”, and took a few minutes to jot down a conversation about my version of home improvement. After an adventure today in cleaning my gutters, I decided to post both notes for everyone’s entertainment 🙂  Enjoy!

I’ve been stuck on the website pinterest.com lately…if you haven’t seen it, you should check it out…Its a neat site where people “pin” things that they like from various websites, based on various interests. *Disclaimer*: The site is awesome, and you can easily waste hours upon hours viewing it all. So what have I been up to lately?

Canning! I took nearly 45 pounds of tomatoes and made them into sauce. I now have more sauce then I will need for some time-I’m definitely set for winter!

I’ve also been trying my damnedest to work on my quilt. Its been years since I started it…I get a little bit done, and then I get bored, and back into the bin it goes. Its made up of tiny 4″ squares from the Amy Butler “Daisy Chain” line. 4 sets of 4″ squares are sewn together, and then sewn to other color coordinated groups of tiny squares. You see why I only get so far? 🙂  Here’s a pic, so you get an idea of what it looks like:

 While obviously not a car, I loved how even the graffiti in my ‘hood is wonderful 🙂

I keep meaning to post pictures of my vacation, but when you see the pictures of what I have been doing, you’ll see why that has taken a back seat. 🙂

Last week, I went to pick up Chicken Kitties ashes from the vet. They had been so amazingly kind and supportive and I was so glad to have had them put down Chicken, since it had to be done. Upon picking her up, Mary had let me know there was a gift in there for me – It was a baked clay tile with her little kitty paw prints. In addition to my baby’s ashes in a beautiful wood box, I had her tiny ant-feet to remind me of her too. I of course bawled to no end, but it was an amazing way to say goodbye, but still keep her close. I decided I needed to go run errands to clear my mind, and opted to get some big worms for the chickens to nibble on. They have been producing so well, I thought, why not give them a treat. As I walked up to the pet store, I saw something that made my heart melt and break all at the same time-a fuzzy, itty bitty ball of cuteness. The paper on the cage said that he was abandoned, and was only 6 weeks old. He was underfed, but loving. I paused, longingly at the blue eyed calico mess, looking so tiny in his big cage, and then went on in for worms for the girls. On my way out, I asked if I could hold him, and he was the cutest, howlingest thing ever. My eyes were still red from crying over Chicken Kitty, I wasn’t ready.

All that night I thought about his furry little face, and wondered, “Why hadn’t anyone adopted him!?”. The next morning I convinced Nick to go look at him before a quick hike and sea glass hunting. The kitten was still there, looking sad. Lots of people had stopped by, but no one wanted him. Nick wasn’t sold on the idea, he was still grieving Chicken, and his own kitty leaving to go live with his old roommate. I put him back and we went on our hike. Post hike, Nick and I stopped at the Tin Room in Burien for a beer, and discussed the kitty. Nick had decided he was ready and could see that I was too, so we decided to go look one more time. We were both so smitten and decided I needed to have him. I feel really fortunate to have found an abandoned furry, and I still miss Chicken Kitty every day, but it’s nice to know that a little guy has a good home. So without further adieu, I introduce: Iggy:

Its hard to be sad, when I look at his tiny face, and hold his 1 lb, 3 oz body. It reminds you to just be happy and to live in the moment.

I hope all of you are doing as well as I have been-my best to you all!
Raina

I really need to blog more! This has been a mixed-bag week. Had an amazing vacation with a new guy I am dating, but came back to immense sadness and hard decisions.
I spent 5 days on the road travelling from Washington, to Northern California to the Redwoods and then made my way up, via the I-5 corridor back home, stopping at cute hotels and little shops. I found retro fabric, and vintage pillowcases hand embroidered with people on them, so adorable. I realized how much I adored the new guy, and how wonderful of a road trip pal he was.
Sadly, I came home to a dying cat, Chicken, who I decided to have put to sleep this morning. She was only 8, which made this decision that much more difficult. She shouldn’t have been taken away so early. She was a finicky, snugly, blue skinned, and green-eyed princess, who came into my life as a last-ditch effort to save a failing marriage. Its like another chapter of that old life just ended.
Its hard already, not seeing her perched in her favorite spots, and sad not hearing her walk around. I know the pain will lessen as the days go on, but I am still so heartbroken to have had to let her go so soon. I still have her best friend, and Christmas present, Charlie, and Mia, as well as the two chickens outside. Its just not the same.
Our last moments were good, we sat in the yard, and Nick held her as we drove to the vet for her procedure. She purred until the last moments and then she went to sleep. The vet was kind enough to let me hold her in my arms, wrapped in a blanket while she passed. I wish so much that I had cherished every moment I had with her more. I won’t get that time back, but I am so grateful for the time that we did have together. I am so happy to have been able to be there with her, holding her and petting her in her final moments, versus waiting for her to die alone.
I miss her terribly, but I know that letting her go was the best thing I could have done for her. Goodbye Chicken Kitty, I love and miss you more than all the fishes in the sea.

I feel like I always start blogs the same way…its been a while since I last posted. Which tells me a few things-I’ve not been crafting, and I’ve not been as productive as I’d have liked.

Its not to say I haven’t been doing anything-I made an adorable little apron, and have sewn a few small projects…I even picked up the last of the needed fabric for my quilt top I have been working on for eons.

Lately, life has been a little chaotic, with the end of a long term relationship, the start of new friendships, and community/volunteering projects. It seems for a while, all the energy I had went into not being at home and not thinking about the change in my life.  It’s settling down and I am getting used to a bigger house, and have started to spend more time and energy into making my home my own again. Its been a transition, but it’s exciting. I’m learning to not plan every single aspect of my life, and be OK with what life brings me each moment. It’s been nice letting go, but it sure does take energy to not over-think everything in life! 🙂  I just keep thinking that life has a bigger plan for me, then what I had originally planned.

The past few weeks have been spent cooking with friends, watching the chickens, shopping for new veggie starts and picking paint colors for my 3rd bedroom, which will be my new office. It’s also been spent trying to decide what my old office will be-guest room/craft room, and deciding what that will look like.

I hope that as I settle into this change that the drive for creativity comes back, and I am sure it will. I also plan to blog more, to clear my head and to capture the creativity that seems to be eluding me lately…keep visiting, dear reader, I’m sure there will be something here soon for you!

Cheers,
Raina


“When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” – Lao Tzu
“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.” – Joseph Campbell

That’s a fitting title for todays post-it’s way past time for a new blog posting, and it seems that lately time has been flying by!

Lately, there has been an influx of cancer around me. 2 family members have been going through it-whether its the diagnosis process, or in the case of my aunt, surgery X2 and treatment. A couple friends have gone through surgery as well recently. I just got a call from an agency to help low income women who are going through breast cancer. It reminded me I wanted to write something.
I don’t even know how to write this blog.
I could tell you-go get checked, male or female. Start early. Check often.
I could tell you my story.
I could tell you how art got me through my tests.
I could tell you how scared I am for myself, my mom and all the members of my family.

So I will.

I’ll start with the common sense.
Go get yourself checked. Women-do your self exams monthly (I use http://www.checkyourboobies.org/ to remind me). Men, check your ladies, too. Ladies: Go make sure you get your yearly exams. No body image concern you have should get in the way of you taking care of yourself. Men, do your exams and follow up with your MD’s as well. If something isn’t quite right, get it checked out. Its not rocket science.

I lucked out, but I was damn lucky given my family history. My breast health issues were fine-but the long waits and the various exams I had to go through were torture. YOU HAVE TO ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF. They tell you that you have to wait for an appointment? No you don’t-call every day, ask to be pushed up. They don’t want to give you a second opinion? Too bad, They will. I went through three specialists and dozens of phone calls before I got what I wanted.  They don’t want to do a sonogram in addition to the mammogram? They can go to hell. Ask for what you need, and deserve.  Know what tests you need for your breast tissue and your age!

Also, don’t just sit there-do something. The sitting and waiting for the results will drive you nuts. I happened to go back to crafts-sketching, crotcheting and sewing. I had to keep myself busy. I also started writing again to get what was in my head out. That was just me though.

Lastly, the fear. I’m concerned that the next exam I have won’t be flying colors. I’m concerned that after the next surgery and the treatments my Aunt won’t get through. I’m concerned for all the people I know. But I am so glad they got in, got checked and got treatment.  I remember being so ANGRY with my mother for not going in for exams. SHE was my best chance at knowing what I was in for. She was selfish for not going in and taking care of herself, as in turn, she was failing to take care of me.
So I told her
And she finally went in for testing.

Women, Men, friends, the like: Get up, take care of yourself, do what you can to be healthy. You’re the only you people have, so do what you can to stick around.
Cheers-yours in health
Raina