Tonight I am sitting on the couch while the makings for lasagna sauce and enchiladas are cooking away on the stove. The house smells awesome. I am sick, wrapped up in a robe and antique quilt, waiting for Tiny Beast to make her appearance.
Another year will soon come to a close, and like the past few years, there were amazing highs, and soul crushing lows.
2012 was definitely the year of good bye’s. It started with my mother living with me, and me calling the police to have my father committed again after getting a call from a friend that he was walking around the complex incoherent. It would continue, having him recommitted after threats of suicide, and awful panic attacks and delusions. We would go through periods of not talking, overcoming changes in providers, changes in medications, and pulling favors to keep him out of jail and in facilities that could keep him longer than a few days. Constant exhaustion, travelling down to Tacoma to help him, and fear every time the phone would ring lasted until the last call I got, in June, when I found out he had ended his life. Being his daughter was the hardest, but also the most rewarding job I have ever had. I miss him all the time, and there’s not a day that goes by that I still wonder if there was more than I could have done. He was, and always be, a proud Veteran and an inspiration. He was a man who fell through the cracks, and suffered far longer than any of us thought that he would.
2012 also saw the passing of my fur baby Mia. We didn’t see it coming, and she was such a trooper, trying to make us happy even in her last moments. She was an amazing pup, and I am grateful for the time that we had.
It wasn’t all bad, of course! There were great things as well.
I made the resolution to write more, and to just put myself out there. I start posting my blog to people who weren’t strangers. It was odd to put myself out there, but good to share my crafts, recipes and adventures with people.
My Mom moved into her own place, and started a life on her own as a single gal. I know that the changes weren’t easy on her. She handled it with courage and grace, and I am so proud of her.
In early 2012, Nick and I made the decision to start trying to conceive a tiny life of our own. It was scary and amazing, and after close to 4 months, we were able to announce to a very select few that we had hit the baby jack pot, and then started to share the news publicly in July, after we were sure that we’d be able to maintain the pregnancy after losing my Dad. Here we are 9 months later, about to give birth to our Tiny Beast. I am still excited and scared for everything that she will bring and teach me. She’s measuring around 7 lbs, and I have just over a week to go, in theory.
We travelled! Our favorite trips were to Montana and Wyoming, where I scared the crap out of Nick by moving bison with my newly pregnant self, which resulted in my promising that I’ll be a little more careful. Which was followed up with me dragging Nick through a marsh, chasing elk for the perfect picture. We hiked, camped, and spent lazy days at the beach eating delicious fresh sea critters.
My bestie and I found that small breweries couldn’t handle the two of us getting pregnant at the same time, and we saw the closing of our favorite brewery. We powered through pregnancy and made it look awesome. I was and am glad to have had her to go through this process with someone.
We found new love in Kip, an abandoned fur baby, who has fit in perfectly with us. He makes us laugh every day, and I can’t wait to have Kip and the baby spend time together. I want every day that he has with us to be so fabulous that he forgets about the abusive past that he had.
Work was also good-I challenged myself to do more, to work harder, and learn more about the role. I took on new projects, and had more fun than I thought I would. I can’t wait to see what 2013 will bring for me, the programs I work with, and for the company.
I took on new culinary adventures, pickling, canning and jamming new treats. I braised, I roasted and I baked. I drank my way through multiple countries via wines and beers, and shared toasts with friends.
I am so grateful for amazing friends, the support they have provided, and for all of the good times I have had. I am also grateful for the hard times, as they made the good that much sweeter.
For 2013, my resolutions are to do as much good as I can for those in need, to teach Isabella about her world, and to be strong for her at all times. I want to continue be an amazing partner for Nick, and make sure he knows every day how lucky I am to have him in my life. I want to strengthen my friendships, now that life is quieter on some fronts. I vow to eat bacon, and to continue my culinary adventures. I want to take on new art projects, and to get in more photography. I’ll try to forgive myself over things I have no control over, and to be ok with the past. I’ll continue to blog and share my silly stories with you all.
Here’s to all of you, as you leave the last year, and welcome the new year ahead! I leave you with this: