Blessings

Today was a mixed bag day. I found out the mother of two men I have known for close to 20 years passed away suddenly. In speaking with one of them, he was lost, unsure of what to do. I remembered that feeling so clearly. It was after all, less than 4 months ago that I lost my own parent suddenly.

It’s that paralyzing moment when you realize nothing else will ever be the same, but you don’t know quite what to do. So you sit.

I did the best thing I could think to do, which was to send my love and offer a home cooked meal when he was ready for it. I let his friends know, so they could help. The core group of guys I used to hang out with are all over the country these days. It was nice to catch up, especially with those I don’t text or talk to very often. It was nice to hear how they are, and how life is better for them since moving away.

It was also a reminder of how much happier and at peace I am than I have been in years. There’s no pushing, no hoping, no waiting. Just being. Sometimes that paralyzing moment when something happens, good or bad, gives you pause and makes you re-evaluate your priorities. You don’t know what to do, or how to react, so you just stop. And you sit.

And eventually it gets easier, and your path to happiness becomes much more clear.

I hope that path is a fast one for my friends.

I am also reminded how lucky I am to have my little Isabella Grace. There was a day when it was like a switch went off. I was no longer angry at my past, the failed relationships; the hurt didn’t matter, being happy with my new life was all that I cared about. I didn’t know why, until a few weeks later I found out I was pregnant. I have been really lucky to have her-through the passing of my own parent, the loss of a beloved pet. She’s been my saving grace through this, hence the middle name, Grace.

Today, I miss my father, feel sorrow for my friends, and am so appreciative of the life I have now. Here’s to you, and chasing your bliss, comforting those who are hurting, and for all the good that life has to offer, no matter how hard it is to find.

Raina

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